im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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