Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
