her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Apparently you make a good broom.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
