im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
