I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
