Yo dont text me then not text me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
