God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
