HIV tests are more positive than that guy
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
