So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I faked an abortion last night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
