Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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