Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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