Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
