I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
