I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You've changed since you got that strap on
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
