just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
