he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
