I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
