id be glad to
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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