I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
