Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nutella sex= disaster
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
