Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
