Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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