my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
