I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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