Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
