Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
