Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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