yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
