Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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