nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
