I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
