She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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