im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
