Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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