i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
