i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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