I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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