You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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