I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
