Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
