you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
