Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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