Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
