she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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