my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
