mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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