I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
