just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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