he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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