He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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