Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need moral support for this bender
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
